Personal notice, dangers my stock and trade. If the job's too tough for you to handle,
you got a job for me, George Valentine. Write full detail.
Music
Standard Oil Company of California, on behalf of independent Chevron gas stations and
standard stations throughout the West, invite you to let George do it.
Music
The Golden Lizard, a transcribed adventure of George Valentine.
Music
Dear Mr. Valentine, in the year 1911, in the shipyards of Glasgow, the keel was laid for
what was to become the most fabulous yacht of modern history. It has been converted and
re-converted, each time more luxuriously. It has carried princes of India, and emigres
of Paris. It has flown every flag and sailed every sea and its deck has been washed by
everything from champagne to the blood of a noble suicide. Yes, in the midst of our troubled
and business-like world, its magnificent relic still exists. And like a true internationalist,
though its registry is nice, its present location is somewhere at anchor, off a small
exclusive resort near Acapulco, Mexico. The name of this ship is Les Ardors, Lizard of Gold.
And Mr. Valentine, it's the ship you're going to buy.
Music
Mr. Valentine, my letterhead told you I'm a yacht broker. I buy and sell ships.
It's my idea that the Lizard of Gold could be made over into a cruise ship for one of the lines.
I see.
You understand you won't actually purchase it for me, but you'll investigate the price, its availability.
You'll get my bid in first.
Why me, Mr. Murray, and never mind the double talk. What kind of trouble are you expecting?
If I knew the answer to that, I wouldn't... Well, danger is your business, not mine.
You see, Mr. Valentine, through social connections, I received information that the boat might be up for sale soon.
So I'm one jump ahead of my competitors already, and I'm also one jump behind.
Go on.
There's a South American firm, not really a recognized company, but, well, I hear that an employee of theirs
has been seen at the Hotel Cavalier recently. A young marine engineer, Enrico, rather a playboy, to put it politely.
Put it another way.
At the mildest, not quite honest. Slick, tough.
But if all Enrico's there for is to put in a company's bid for the boat...
There's so much profit at stake, they might try anything.
Ah, and they might try it on you.
Yes, that's their system, to see that theirs is the only bid.
Nice, simple job. Push an expert like Enrico out of the way.
But, Valentine, I can't do it myself. I'm too well known.
Any man in my company would be spotted a mile away.
For your information, this is no boy-size deal. At present prices, the yacht's worth well over $2 million.
Okay, okay. My job is to size up a situation for you without losing my own health.
I just want to know who's on it now. Who owns this floating palace?
That's a little easier. Two people. Just two people in all that luxury.
An Argentine millionaire and his wife.
Argentine?
Or Chilean, or Romanian, or Turkish. It's not important.
The international set. Relics of another age, just like the ship.
What's the matter? No more millions?
No more millions. I'm told it's definitely his last yacht.
His last yacht?
I suppose he's owned everything in his time, but times change.
It's either give up his little floating kingdom, his beautiful golden lizard, or give up his imported caviar.
What a heart-searching decision.
Just the kind of decision that could make a guy real unhappy.
Oh, no. I'm sure you can help him make the right decision, Mr. Valentine.
The Signore Bolivar de Lombroso. He would have death on the horses in the Trojan War.
He'd have fiddled by Rome burn. But it's his own funeral now, and I'm sure he knows he's half dead already.
Half dead?
Yes.
The Signore Bolivar de Lombroso.
Okay, Mr. Murray. I just hope he's the only one who gets that way.
There we are, Mr. Valentine. Should always be served plain, with the aperitif or dry cocktail, this use of chopped eggs, even blini.
It's barbarous, barbarous.
Ah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure, Signore de Lombroso.
Barbarous, yeah. Who did I say that?
You know, this yacht of yours is even more impressive than I expected.
Handles in the salon here are rosewood, aren't they?
It's a hard name, de Lombroso. It's Italian, from my mother, the countess.
Papi, Bolivar, call me anything, that's what I meant.
She only had one eye. Loved the operadour and used the monocle.
Your mother?
Oh, I say, served with coconut, it's not bad. Greater the coconut.
What, my mother? Oh, good heavens, no, no. She hated this stuff.
Hated? Oh, can't be.
Yes, yes. Oh, here, of course, that's a rosewood, man, can't you tell?
Who's the young giant working on it?
That panel, oh, yes, lovely. Name is Paul.
I love beautiful things, Mr. Valentine.
The music, too. That's why we anchor yachts of the hotel every tea time.
Their music, like women.
I was quite slender once. I just came into my wealth in Paris, but so ignorant.
Oh, well, yeah. Well, now, look, about selling the boat, about business.
This panel, of course, you asked, I didn't answer.
Paul is his name. Finest woodworker in the world, aren't you, Paul?
If you say so, oh, signori.
I had him flown here, especially from Denmark. Such a young man, it's unusual, isn't it?
Not so in my country, signori.
The rosewood was fluted before, and it's fact abominable.
Excuse me, signori.
What's that? Oh, Pierre? No, no, go away.
But the souffle, the chef says Paul's hammering, it will make it fall.
The noise of his bolts and the big wrench, the chef says if Paul could only work in the other compartment.
Be quiet, be quiet, go away. He's got to finish.
I can't have those flutes staring at me, can I? You tell the chef he will die if the souffle falls.
But rosewood is a thing of beauty, I tell you.
I brought you your medicine, papi.
Five o'clock.
Oh, thank you, my dear.
Pierre, leave us. Tell the chef.
With your... perhaps you too, Paul, you can finish your work tomorrow.
No, papi, I plan to watch him. Such beautiful hands.
Ratternum, signori.
Go on, Paul, do your work. Don't let me bother you.
My dear, Mr. Valentine. La padrone de casa.
No, no, no, it's fine. Come aboard. I was taking my son back.
How do you do, signora?
I'm rather tired, thank you. And papi, it's time for your nap.
I thought I'd just sit here and watch Paul while I read a book.
I'm sure your little visit is over.
Signori, I hate to bring up the question of money, but now about this boat.
Money? Is that what it's all about? We have money.
Pierre! Oh, never mind. I'll show you myself.
Signori, please. Look, I'm a little baffled.
Don't make it worse. Like this man Paul working on your ship when you're planning to sell it.
He has such beautiful hands.
So would you answer one question? Are you going to sell?
There, there we are. Money, you see?
Yeah. Yeah, that's money on it.
Thirty, forty thousand dollars? I don't know. I enjoy looking at it.
Cash is necessary aboard a ship. Vulgar, but beautiful.
Uh-huh. You've answered the question.
You never had any intention of selling the boat. I'm here on a pomstead.
Oh, to sell my ship would be to sell my kingdom, my chef, my whole existence.
There is nothing I would not do to keep my beautiful golden lizard.
I would sooner sell my wife.
You understand it's a joke, Mr. Valentine.
Yeah, yeah, I sure understand a lot of things.
Like I suppose there wasn't anybody else here to try and buy it either.
An engineer from South America, a guy named Enrico.
What about Enrico?
Well, there was such a guy, huh? And you turned him down too.
Enrico? He didn't wish to buy the boat.
He was just a young man with beautiful shoulders.
Isn't that so, my dear?
Happy to be here. But it's not important anyway. Enrico's dead.
He's what?
Such a shame. Such an attractive young man.
He had an accident. So strange, isn't it?
With a world so full of desirable things, so easy to pick,
a young man should be short-sighted enough to fall into a swimming pool and drown.
I'm sorry, my dear. What's the matter? Are you cold?
George, maybe that was Enrico's money that they showed.
No, Bruxy, no. The South American wasn't here to buy the ship at all.
Well, I know that's what Enrico's company says.
Never mind his job. What did you find out about his death?
Well, he just drowned in the swimming pool.
Who pushed him?
George, the police don't know anything.
They say there's nothing to go on that shows it wasn't an accident.
Oh, yes.
What do you suppose this guy Enrico was doing down here, Angel?
Young, energetic engineer, slightly crooked, loafing, playing back around in the casino?
Not exactly in character, huh?
Well, in my opinion, George, the charming young man was here for just one purpose.
Never mind, Angel. Never mind. I can see as well as you can.
Good evening, Mr. Valentine. Are you a gambler too?
Hello, Signora. I'd like to present this...
Don't please. I'd only forget her name.
I come ashore every evening at something to do, to watch the romance.
That's one way of making twenty or thirty thousand.
Oh, but my darling, I wouldn't think of bedding myself, would you?
I'd just like to watch. It's so much more relaxing.
That sleepy-eyed blonde. I'd only forget it.
Take it easy, Angel. Who is she? What's her name?
She's Godreux.
The golden-haired one, her name.
Well, I doubt if she's your type, friend.
Yes, it's she.
She'd look better if she didn't drag it on the floor.
Signora de la Mgrosa, is it?
I beg your pardon.
No offense.
I beg both your pardon. Excuse me.
George, why don't I take a nap?
Another conquest, that's all. She attracts them like flies.
I've seen that man before. I know I have a picture.
A trench coat isn't exactly the right costume for this place.
Come on, George. Let's do a little watching ourselves.
Oh, Mr. Valentine. Oh, and this must be Miss Brooks.
Charming, yes. Charming.
You're very fortunate.
A man should never let go of a beautiful thing.
You should guard it, cherish it.
I, uh...
You're here for the roulette, Signora?
What's that? Oh, no, no, no.
It's my first time at the shore.
Abominable place, abominable.
For the rum, that's all.
The what?
My wife, she's someplace here, at the Muses, or I suppose.
Rum, I said, Mr. Valentine.
A neo-rum for the crepes, who's there?
Oh, not for your wife.
Cubano style from the Vedado club in Havana.
I'm on my way back aboard now to cook it myself.
You see? The wine steward sold me the rum.
What's the matter? You looking for someone?
No, no, no. They've gone out now anyway.
What a pity. Well, it's you again, it's you again.
George, he's played you like a fox. Didn't you watch his eyes?
They're practically buried.
He knows everything that goes on, I'll bet you. Everything.
What such a tragedy.
The last week my casino is open.
All right, take it easy, Buster. Who is it? What happened?
It's right here in the garden, sir.
My doorman insists no one saw it, and he saw no one else.
Yeah, but...
Oh.
It is a thing that happens with a casino every once in a while.
A man loses, a man shoots himself.
Yeah. And he's dead, all right. Still holding a gun.
But this guy's Paul. It's Paul. It's a young Danish woodworker named Paul.
I know, of course.
He has been in off the yard every night to play a game perhaps over his head.
To play a roulette.
And you think this is just an accident, a suicide?
But of course. But what else?
Oh, just a tragedy, of course. I have noticed this Paul. He had such beautiful hands.
The Last Post
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And now back to tonight's adventure of George Valentine.
The Lazard door, golden lizard, that lies sleepily at anchor in the moonlit Mexican waters facing the casino of the luxurious Hotel Cavalier.
The last yacht of an impoverished millionaire.
The only home of an aging, food-loving man and his strangely beautiful young wife.
What bothers you more if you're like George Valentine, you can't help but wonder why two other young men who've supposedly come here because of the boat
have died accidentally like the South American engineer Enrico who fell into a swimming pool and drowned or suicidally like the young Danish woodworker Paul whom you last saw being admired by the young Signora.
Mr. Valentine, it happens. That's all that I know. I have seen it in other gambling casinos that I've managed.
Signora, La Mbrosa was mixed up with Paul, wasn't she? I saw the way she watched him.
Yes, she was watching him in the casino too, but I'm sure that was all.
Oh, quit trying to save your hotel's reputation, friend. You know what a husband's like. So this was her current interest.
Before that it was Enrico who had the accident in the pool.
But Enrico was here to work on the boat, to work on the motors.
Oh, well that makes it even clearer, makes it even more convenient.
Mr. Valentine, I only saw those two together, Enrico and the Signora, once or twice.
The yacht was gone much of that time for some loading, an industrial port down the coast.
And that once or twice that I did see them, it wasn't, well...
What's the matter? What did you see?
It was the same way with Enrico too, before Paul came.
The Signora used to watch Enrico and just smile.
Uh-huh. Get smiled at by a lazy blonde and die.
And I suppose if a man's crazy enough to smile back, well, an object of beauty should be guarded forever, her husband said.
Excuse, Signor. Excuse, Signor Valentine.
It's one of the men from the boat pier.
What is it?
Not, Signor, for the American.
For me? Well, congratulate me, Angel.
What?
I've been tapped for skull and bone.
You?
Signora wants to see me right away. It's a smile for me. It's my turn.
Signora.
Mr. Valentine.
Oh, I thought you wrote me from out on the yacht.
No, no, I've been waiting for a small boat. They're all busy.
I see what you mean. Then what's going...
Excuse me, Signora.
Hey, wait a minute.
If you please.
He's an American.
Get that flashlight out of my face. What are you trying to do? What?
Officio, Signora. Your partner. Good night.
Hm. Police?
Government something, I don't know. They've been looking for someone. They've been out on the yacht.
Yeah, someone like who?
An older man, a scar, they say, with a trench coat.
Oh, yeah. I remember him.
It's a troubled world, I suppose, but it's not important.
Isn't it? I last saw the man chasing after you.
Can I help that?
Maybe. Maybe it gives me an idea.
Only I thought he might be slated for next man on your list.
My list? I'm not nearly that well organized.
The list that Enrico and Paul have been on.
What's the matter, Signora? Are you cold?
I remember you shivered the first time your husband mentioned Enrico's name.
Death makes anyone shiver, doesn't it?
Come aboard ship with me.
Lady, I don't like spider webs. In my right mind, I wouldn't.
Life is so full of emptiness, Mr. Valentine.
We're going on another long voyage soon. To Bali.
Yeah? Tell me more.
I'll help you get the yacht. I'll tell you everything I know about him, about Enrico and Paul.
If only you'll help me.
Oh, so that's it.
You're not as lazy as you look.
You figure it's about time to dive off the sinking ship?
Hold very still, while I slap your face.
Okay, lady, I'm coming with you. For my own reasons.
But let's understand one thing.
What's that?
That I'm not armed.
That I'm not going out there to kill your husband for you.
So don't get your hopes up.
Why didn't you ask Pierre where your husband is?
Why should I? What difference does it make?
None, I suppose.
I'm sorry. I slapped you. Did it hurt?
No. Sorry about that, too.
Mr. Valentine, please. You think I'm worthless, don't you?
You think I'm a golden lizard myself.
Didn't occur to me.
Maybe not a bad description.
You think I have nothing to do that I'm bored with my jealous husband that I take up with every young man that I meet.
Even though I know what will happen to him.
You're saying it on me.
You can't believe that I won't do the same thing to you.
Well, it takes two even to play Kinesta, Signora.
Hmm.
Did you mind very much?
No. But just don't do it again.
Well, so you're a bore.
The husband. The old fashioned two-bit frame-up. So that's the way it works.
This I didn't think.
Well, of all the needs.
We are ready for the Suzettes. Beautiful. Just in time.
How did he say Suzettes, Mr. Valentine?
Of course, Cubano style, didn't I tell you? With a special round.
What's wrong with the lace, young man?
What's the matter with that gang thing? Who's this?
Well, you're more like what I expected. Hello, friend. Where's your trench coat?
You said there would be no one else.
The Suzettes come first, General.
So, your friend's a general, huh, fat boy?
So that's where we'd seen his face before. The other side of the world, a nice juicy trouble spot.
And the local government boys looking for him.
Signora, I don't know who this man is.
I won't have you speaking like that on my ship.
Now, we'll be on the way any moment.
I'm cooking your crepes, Suzette. One of the beautiful things of the world.
Come with me, General. Leave them alone. My wife's friend, not mine.
Don't worry, Signora.
What's the matter, Mr. Valentine? Have you been wrong about something?
Part of it. I doubt if your husband would even care if you kiss me.
He knows it wouldn't mean anything.
It would, only not what I thought. Where are we going, Valley?
No, no, but the general's trouble spot is in that vague direction.
They need help, supplies.
And it hasn't been able to get back to stir up more trouble than there is there already, right?
You're a current event, don't you?
The woodworker, Paul, working on delicate rosewood.
Yet I remember Pierre tipping that the guy used heavy rough tools.
But what was Paul really doing?
Adding an extra room for the renegade general?
A room for the general to be smuggled back to his own home?
A room those men who searched here a few minutes ago could never have found?
We received a bank draft this afternoon. $50,000 from his party for our efforts.
Oh, brother, the international set. Do anything to stay on top, wouldn't you?
We don't belong to any country. We owe no allegiance.
That other so-called boyfriend of yours, Enrico, he was here to tune up your engines, I suppose.
That's why he had to be killed.
Mr. Valentine.
I said killed, because, lady, I figured out what your attraction is.
Yeah, you kept your eyes on the boys to make sure they didn't get too wise.
You have such beautiful arms, Mr. Valentine.
The better to hold you with, because you get your excitement out of doing things that probably weren't even necessary.
Out of getting rid of witnesses like Enrico and Paul who might conceivably upset things because they knew too much.
Too much of what you were doing on the boat.
They didn't mind dying.
Oh, sure, you smiled at them first like you're smiling at me.
The general has chartered our boat for his own exclusive use.
Stop shivering, lady. I know why you got me out here. You're going to kill me because I was nosing around.
Mr. Valentine, would you please stand up?
Well, I got a different plan, sister.
Stop it.
I'm going to kill you.
Oh, let go of that gun.
Overboard, that's better, senora. But shut up, you're not hurt.
Don't, don't touch me. Don't touch me.
Now, let's get to know Valentine. Cross your fingers.
Stop that noise. They can hear us across the water.
Yeah, it's me, alive.
Now get back in there, general.
What's this all about? A brochure?
Oh, yes, I have a gun too, young man, and I know how to use it.
I came here to use a few things myself.
My what? The room you bumped against me, I was holding. My only bottle.
Be quiet.
DLA or I'm running through the floor to the next compartment.
Listen to me, general. Stop waving that gun.
Don't touch stupid who. Get the ship going. Get it moving.
General, do you know they've killed two people already?
Silence.
Where's the captain?
He can't do you any good.
What's that?
My room, every bit of it.
You thought you were buying yourself a foolproof passage back home. Well, you're up against a couple of nuts.
I plotted this ship for my own private use.
You want to bet you didn't? Both ends against the middle. That's the way they work.
The carpenter built two special compartments, not one.
What's that? Get on your feet.
My wife, don't do this.
You paid them in a bank rep, but I saw lots of cash.
And they've been to a commercial port special loading.
You want to bet they're carrying something else to your part of the world?
Maybe even for the other side? There'd be a way they'd operate.
No, no, don't listen. It's my ship. I have more creeps to set.
I've heard enough. Now get on your feet or I'll shoot closer.
You see? And I'll summon your captain myself.
General, not so fast. I only lit your fuse to get us out of trouble, not into it.
There isn't much time for us to get it.
I said enough, young man. The entrance are in repair. There is fuel. I'll do this my way.
It's called piracy, I think, but...
Sir, what did you do? What did you do? What did you do?
Follow me on the top.
Now, get this clear. I'm your new master. From this minute you'll be...
Yeah, something's wrong, General. They're not even looking at you, gun and all.
There's a rum running down through the floor. It's on fire! The brandy! The rum!
Get an extinguisher. Young man, do you know what there must be in another compartment below this, perhaps?
Do you know what would paralyze men so? Hold it.
Come on, Buster. Get out of here. Hit the water!
It's ammunition, you fools! Ammunition!
And so, there's your boat, Mr. Marine.
About three-quarters of a mile out.
And only five or six fathoms down.
Along with some of my eyebrows and hair.
Even his shirt was burned off. It was already in the water, but...
What happened to the General, Valentine?
Oh, same as me. Same as most of the crew. We were overboard before it actually went up.
I guess the General's back being a political refugee under surveillance.
There'll be less trouble over there without him. A good many people will be thanking you, Valentine.
But the Signora, we don't know.
But?
We just don't know about neither one of them.
We know they didn't get ashore, and so, I guess...
Six fathoms.
Yeah. You can verify when you salvage the wreckage, Mr. Marine.
We're not so sure we will. Er, raise it, I mean.
Maybe not worth it. Maybe not the kind of a ship people would, well...
You think it's out of date, too?
All the selfishness of a private kingdom.
A luxury yacht that never gave them any happiness.
Well, my tastes run more to a canoe on a lake than a yacht.
Mine more to a hamburger with onions than caviar.
And mine's a woman I can understand.
Dance, Angel?
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Music
Tonight's Transcribed Adventure of George Valentine has been brought to you
by Standard Oil Company of California.
On behalf of independent Chevron gas stations and standard stations throughout the West,
Robert Daly is starred as George, with Virginia Gregg as Brooksie.
Let George Do It is written by David Victor and Jackson Gillis and directed by Don Clark.
Larry Dobkin was heard as Lombroso, Gene Bates as the Signora,
Ted Osborne as Blank, Norman Field as Murray, Elliot Reed as the Manager,
and Hal Gerard as Paul.
The music is composed and presented by Eddie Dunstetter.
Your announcer, John Heston.
Listen again next week, same time, same station, to Let George Do It.
This is the Mutual Don Lee Broadcasting System.
Music